Find Me in Another Place and Time
by taxidamask
Summary: I didn't know what I was doing with my life until I met him. When our eyes met at the party we were both attending, everything fell into place. My meaning, my existence, my everything fell into place. I knew I belonged with him: him, the man who was dressed properly and had a strange, mysterious aura surrounding him, and me, the boy wearing a suit two sizes too big. The thing was,


I didn't know what I was doing with my life until I met him. When our eyes met at the party we were both attending, everything fell into place. My meaning, my existence, my everything fell into place. I knew I belonged with him: him, the man who was dressed properly and had a strange, mysterious aura surrounding him, and me, the boy wearing a suit two sizes too big. The thing was, though, he already had somebody. It was the right place, but the wrong time.

I was attending some fancy business party for the company I interned at. I was fresh out of college, single, lonely and confused at the world that lay ahead of me. I was scrambling to find some sort of job when I landed this internship for the time being. Did I pick the right major? Should I have gone to a different school? Those questions kept me up at night, unanswered and unchangeable. I was only invited to this party to set up really; but, they let me stay for the whole night. Probably to be available to fetch the higher-ups more wine when needed or order them an Uber when it was time for them to go home and they were completely wasted. I didn't like the people, but hey, free food is free food. Who am I to deny that?

I locked eyes with him when I was running to fetch more plates. It was only for a split second, but it seemed as if it were for an eternity. Dull gray eyes stared at me back. He ignored the conversation he was having, just to look at me. We felt something. It felt like time stopped and that we were the only two in the room. The climate changed and the room went cold; I felt my heartbeat pounding in my ears. I couldn't hear the chatter happening in the room anymore. Why was my heart racing so damn fast? He was practically a stranger. At the same time, though, it felt like I knew him. That I knew him my whole life.

Time resumed when I broke eye contact with him and remembered my real reason for entering the room. I looked for the extra plates, tripping my way through the room since I still felt his eyes on me. Watching my every move, analyzing me. I found them and fumbled with them, expensive plates almost crashing onto the ground. My heartbeat was still at a rapid pace, refusing to calm down because of him. Those gray eyes seemed to burn a hole through me, making me more nervous and clumsy then I usually am.

I left the room and breathed when I was out of his watchful eye. What the hell was that? I had never felt anything like that before in my life. My heart started to calm down. I delivered the plates to my boss and went back to my usual corner with a plate of food, while watching couples dance together, just minding my own business, picking at my food, and occasionally watching the time go by. In retrospect, I should have left way before. But I didn't want to leave. I wanted to see him again. Just one more glimpse.

I set my plate down. I wasn't really hungry anymore, just nervous and curious about what happened beforehand. I took my phone out of my pocket, attempting to distract myself from what happened earlier. But it was futile. As I scrolled through my unanswered messages and Snapchat stories of my friends and their partners, his face stayed in my mind. Those gray eyes. Should I have said something? Should I have waited around in the other room to talk to him? It was too late now. Or so I thought.

It happened so fast that I barely processed what was happening. His hand enveloped mine and, without a second thought, I laced my fingers through his fingers. It felt so natural. It felt so right. Then I felt the ring on his ring finger. My heart dropped. The sound of my heartbeat in my eardrums disappeared completely, leaving me with silence and heartache. But I couldn't object as he dragged me to the dance floor. He found me again and wanted to talk to me. He lead as we danced, or rather, as he danced and I tried to. I'm pretty sure I stepped on his feet a couple of times, but he never complained. There was magic in the air. We both certainly felt it. But we didn't want to speak to each other and ruin it. Not yet, anyway. I tried my best to ignore the ring that told me he was married, but despite knowing that, I still couldn't break away. I could only ignore it. I know I was acting selfish at the time and playing pretend. But being selfish once in a while is good.

"Come home with me for the night," his deep voice spoke. It didn't break the magic in the air like I thought it would. Instead, it added to it.

"I can't," I whispered, even though I put my arms around his neck and his hands were grasping my waist now. He and I were holding on tight. We didn't want to let go.

"You can," he tried reassuring me. "I can't. You're a married man," I gasped out, choking back sobs.

"So? Just one night," he tried again. He wanted me to go with him. And I wanted to go with him so badly, too.

"I can't," tears started welling up in my eyes. It would have been so easy to play pretend and go home with him. But I wasn't like that. I was selfish, yes, but it wasn't fair to his partner. He didn't object anymore. He understood. The song we were dancing to ended and we went our separate ways. We let go.

I didn't see him for the rest of the night. I never saw him again after that, actually. The party ended and I got back to my apartment. There was nobody to come home to. Just silence and loneliness. I didn't bother to turn on the light. I stumbled through the apartment in the dark and somehow made it to bed. That's when I started to cry. I clutched my pillow and sobbed. I wasn't sure if it was the alcohol I had or the thought of never seeing him again. Probably a mix of both. I sobbed and sobbed, the numbness never going away, realizing I'd probably never have that magic happen again, with him or for anyone. That my life would just be...empty.

Everything in my life led me to him. Every decision I made, every path I'd taken in life. But he went his own path and ended up with someone else. He was the right person, but it was wrong time. Now I'm just kept up at night with questions of what if I did go with him? What if I did play pretend, even just for one night? What if I wanted more and was even more selfish, knowing I was hurting his partner? How foolish I was and still am, fantasizing about a married man. Just playing pretend in my own little fantasy world, once more.


End file.
